10 Things To Look For In A Guy

All the single ladies, put your hands up! I want to talk to you specifically today!

I know you don’t all feel this way, but after pastoring young women year after year, there are a few things that I have heard you say again and again. One of the most common frustrations being:

“Why are there no guys worth dating? I am so tired of being single!”

I’ve often wondered to myself, is this actually an accurate statement? No guys worth dating? But I know so many young and incredible single guys!

Contrary to what a ‘bachelor nation’ might communicate, these great guys don’t wear suits on dates, they don’t have washboard abs, and I’m pretty sure they’re not planning to take you out on a helicopter anytime in the near future. They’re just the same great guys that you girls hang out with day after day. Am I missing something? Strange as it sounds, on more than one occasion I have heard the young men say the exact same thing about the lack of ladies.

Well before I connect some metaphoric dots for you, let me just say this.

Being single is not a death sentence! Life doesn’t begin at ‘I do’! You are not just a half person waiting for your other half to complete you! You are whole, beautiful and inexpressibly valuable as you are, where you are!

The young women in my life are probably tired of me saying this, but I’ll say it again for the benefit of those who haven’t heard it yet:

It’s better to be single, than to be married and wish you weren't!!!

One of the most common ways I’ve watched young women collapse under the weight of waiting for Mr. right, is to completely compromise their standard of who that man is. Of course, in relationships compromise is necessary and I wholeheartedly encourage it! Just be aware of how you’re compromising!

So ladies, here are 10 Qualities that I would encourage you not to compromise when you’re looking for a great catch.

Guys, grab a pen and a notepad - this information can change your life!

The List of Ten Things to Look for in a Guy:

1. He can prioritize well!

Look for a guy who has the self-discipline to say ‘no’ to a good thing now, in order to get a greater thing later on.

Talk to him about what the ‘greatest’ things in life are. If he responds by saying ‘video games and pizza’ you may want to give him a few more years to mature. I hope it goes without saying that you want his life values line up with your values. If loving God is a priority to you, it ought to be one for him as well!

Word to the wise: Look for a guy who loves Jesus more than he loves you! A guy who authentically loves God with all of his heart, will be a man who submits to the word of God and purposes to be the kind of husband that God desires; a “ husband who loves and serves you, as Jesus Christ Himself loves the church” (Ephesians 5:25).

2. He can take responsibility

Almost on a daily basis one of my three boys is blaming another for something that they did or didn’t do. When something has been broken I do care who made the damage.. but at the end of the day, I really just want the mess to disappear!

Whichever child steps-up to reverse the effects of the damage (whether guilty or not) is the one who gets rewarded. Taking responsibility is something that is valuable, and a surprisingly attractive quality in a person.

When a guy refuses to ‘blame-shift’ and take accountability, it’s like he chooses to be a man in that moment, rather than a 3 year old! It’s a good thing, a very good thing!

3. He is kind

Kindness may not even be on your mind when you’re looking for a spouse! It is so completely underrated and overlooked! Granted, being kind doesn’t seem quite as glamorous as being charming, but it’s one of those quality traits that every person desires in a mate. Charm as proverbs says, can be deceptive! The difference between charm and kindness is character.

Kindness does not have to be synonymous with boring! Examine how he treats people who can’t offer anything in return to him? How does he talk about people when they are not around? Is he constantly putting others down in order to get a laugh from a crowd?

….Red flags. You may find his sarcastic wit funny now, but trust me, it won’t be so funny 20 years down the road.

4. He is considerate

This one is similar to kindness, but perhaps more related to chivalry than charm. Funny how we deem a man opening the door, or carrying in groceries as chivalrous, but really, isn’t it just being considerate? It never gets old when my husband brings me a glass of water without me asking, my heart swoons every time.

Who doesn’t love it when any friend shows up at your door with a chai latte, or thinks to bring you chicken noodle soup when you have the sniffles!! It just doesn’t get old, and definitely something to look for in a life partner.

(…. guys, I seriously hope you’re taking notes!)

5. He is teachable

Look for a guy who is always eager to learn, not just knowledge, but wisdom! A man who openly desires to surround himself with men and women who have done bigger and better things, is a man who positions himself for growth. Search for a man who chooses to learn from his mistakes rather than blaming others for them.

After attending a few ‘relational rodeos’ I’ve learned it is far more attractive to find a man who recognizes the wealth of information he has yet to learn, over a man who flaunts the wealth of information he has presently stored up. To live is to grow, and growth is a characteristic of one who is teachable. 

6. He encourages you to shine

When you find a man who makes you want to be a better person, you have found a great man! When you find a man who actually causes you to be a better person - do not let him go! Finding a man who is not intimidated by your awesomeness, but rather chooses to highlight your awesomeness to the world? Woah… can we get an amen?? If you feel as though you need to shrink to make room for a guy, he’s not big enough for you. Find rather, a guy who is secure to hold your purse and cheer on the sidelines from time to time. There will be plenty of times that you’ll be cheering for him on the sidelines too - louder than anyone else! This is what a healthy relationship should look like. 

7. He pursues you

Personally, I believe that most woman (if not all) intrinsically desire the admiration, security and romantic pursuit of our significant other. Although some women may feel ashamed about this, I absolutely believe this is a longing that God intentionally placed in the heart of a women. Being made in God’s image, it’s important to recognize that God Himself desires to be pursued by His people. He loves when we choose Him amidst a myriad of other choices. In the same way, when a woman holds full confidence that she is her man’s one and only - her heart will rest secure and full. A healthy woman should never be ‘needy’ for a man, but needing your man to choose you is a right and good thing. If you’re with a guy who intentionally tries to make you feel jealous or insecure, he’s not the one girlfriend. He ought to make you feel as though you’re the only woman in the room that he has eyes for! 

8. He is financially responsible

In the same way you need to be making wise financial decisions, look for a guy who can manage his bank account well (whether it be $3, or $3000). Don’t judge him, but evaluate how he spends his money. Matthew 6:21 says that your treasure (or money) is where your heart is.

There’s a famous quote that says, “Show me your bank account, and I’ll show you what you love.” Where is his heart at?

Word to the wise: We live in a culture that is absolutely lost in the water when it comes to responsible financial conduct. If you are having difficulty in this area, don’t be afraid to seek wise counsel. As a previous irresponsible spender I can say that you can turn your whole life around by making wise choices. I would recommend reading the book ‘The Total Money Makeover’ by Dave Ramsey, and start changing your future today!

9. He is honest

The old saying rings as true today as it ever did; “A person is only as good as their word.”

If you can’t trust a man in the little things, you will not be able to trust and respect him in the big things. Honesty and integrity are a foundation in any relationship and if you’re dating someone you can’t trust, best to get out now. If you’re married to someone you’re having difficulty trusting seek counsel as soon as possible - it’s a big deal!

10. He respects you!

This one seems pretty obvious, but I think this is one of the biggest areas I’ve seen young women compromise. Is he good to you? Does he follow through on his commitments? Is he proud to call you his girlfriend, or does he relegate you to the closet when his friends and family are around? Does he respect your personal boundaries for space and time (three boos for needy dudes)?  Does he trust you, seek your counsel, value your opinions and insights? Does he honour you sexually, treating you as a woman worthy of a ring? Beyonce got it right there, but pretty sure God said it first! Don’t sell yourself short sister!

Great guys are all around if you’re willing to excavate a little, there may be one right in front of your nose.

Now that you’ve got to the end of the list, here comes the BOOM!

This isn’t a check-list for you to pick out your Mr.Right as much as it is a check-list for you to become his Mrs. Right. When you’re prepared to offer someone the qualities that you want them to give to you, you are one step closer to a great and lasting love.

A relationship that thrives in perfect balance is one where each person puts the desires of the other person above their own! It sounds like yoda-crazy-cryptic talk, but whaddya-know… it’s that wise God guy again:

“In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” - Philippians 2:3

So be encouraged as you wait and excavate! God is doing a work in you! Making you complete, perfect and lacking nothing. You can't bring half of yourself into a marriage expecting your future husband's half to complete you! A great marriage requires each person to give 100%.

Sharon Williams
Pastor Victory Outreach